insecure

Do I have the guts to let it go?

...and do i have the guts to let you in?

Thank you and good night.

這是你上輩子修來的，他說。

我想也是。

Not just somebody

I want someone who needs me, and only me.

躺在床上

今天的我感覺特別寂寞。

卻是熟悉不過的感覺。

my passion

是不是找不到就得不到救贖?
只有找到才是唯一的出路嘛?

汲汲營營

不知道多久以前曾經寫過一樣的標題，
期望的改變依舊沒有發生。


是不勇敢太現實也太不相信。

am i born to feel miserable at work but happy at life? maybe, maybe.

17N

I was in NY with you and you - I knew it.

青春美好歲月

連看著剛回來台灣的照片也覺得遙遠
抓不住什麼....心糾在一起了還是抓不住什麼。

我....

balance of my life

between myself and the fun; my need and your love

one day

who's the one you always think of?

Queensboro bridge

one stop away from manhattan. i can still see the starlight coming from the city at night til this day.

call you

一個人很好，只是我有時也想撒個嬌。

游走在邊緣之間。

not there yet

this is the moment when i realize that this is not going to work out.
and it probably never will.









wtf. i thought i am there already.

b/c there is always someone to blame.

i need someone who needs me.

dolce far niente!

I think we can do it. What do you say?

unstoppable

Tick. tuck.

The clock started ticking and there's again no turning back.

Game has started, and I can only keep playing.

good night.

thanks for listening

..when no one else could possibly understand.

carpe diem

that's it.

Luv

another restless day. nothint feels quite right.

perfect day to listen to travis though.
and my emotions extended along with the lasting notes in the melody.

unsettled

for some reason i slipped and grown to be accustomed to the laid back life i once afraid i would get used to.
god damn it came true and i did not realize it til now.

til now i ran into you.

my faith

不管錯過了什麼，
我都不能回頭看。不能，也不準。

Sous le sable

今天的氛圍，
讓我想起來在我astoria studio裡獨自一個人靜靜著，


只有窗外大雪紛飛。

Somewhere only we know.

suffocated

I really really need to go somewhere. plz...

let me.

wulala

am i not lucky to have all of you?

LOL

真想去法國談戀愛，

在那片天空底下。

hello

I miss you.








Even thought I know it's just a part of process but I still do.

After all life wouldn't be fun without emotions here and there, regardless it's sweetened or even too bitter to swallow.


so i live.

Coincide

Not exactly there yet...but i am somewhat closer.

anywhere; everywhere

judy needs to get going.

next stop; I hope to run into you.

to be or not to be

I wish i can just be proud of being a good student following all the rules created by society..as well as feeling happy being all considerate and independent to friends and family and all.

...as if all of these could just lessen my struggles and pain.

Blonde Redhead

its been long since the last girls night out.
and i kinda enjoyed it.

street light

let me know let me know.

Looking down to my palms under the street light..

I've always thought I would have a lot in hand when my hands are the size of grown ups. Like now.

I've always thought I would be able to grab a lot - someone's hand, a career, fame, love, family..and jsut so much more.



how come growning up doens't make me understnad more, realize more, or turn me into the realistic adult who I thought would have no dreams but only responsibilities and family burdens?



I am in so much pain sitting in between...



in between needs;
in between dreams;
in between love.

in between

lost in between can do...and cannot do.

cheers

no need to say no more, if we all understand.



maybe nothing lasts forever, but there will always be something we remember.

someone else

it could still be a game, but i just don't know how to play myslef in it anymore.


nothing to hold on to...this time, even i don't dare to have the faith.






only the silence after the laugh from your jokes speaks.

handfull

my life can be as colorful and joyful as i want it to be.




it's all up to me.

smile

i always do.

沒到位

很久沒有這種心情，








是時後該出走了。

sydney

what happend in sydney, stays in sydney.




because there's nothing else i could have taken away except for memories.
memories with you.

thennustart

time for my new start.










that's all i can do for you.

somewhere over the rainbow

I just want to be special.




how wonderful would that be?

=)

我只是忘了單身的生活，不是無法過單身的生活。

拿起一本小說窩在床上 - 是一個代替睡前電話最好的開始。


沒那麼難。

someday

when do i get to go traveling with a bf?

i've waiting for this for 26 yrs already.



come with me, if you will.

you

nothing lasts forever

錯過

i always feel like there's more to come, but while i am waiting, i've yet overlooked so much.

just for a moment

我需要去旅行。

sparks

不能再自憐自艾
我要尋找生活的美好

再見

如果不試試怎麼知道..

現在的我，只能抱著這種心情前進。

現在的我
是個不允許感受悲傷快樂的人

dreams don't come true

如果不能實現的夢是不是看看日劇電影就好?

看不見

倉徨的行人，滂沱的雨水，泥濘的腳步，滴著水的髮梢，
我的心情就跟外面嘩啦啦下個不停的雨一樣的不堪。

夢醒之間

電影和drama-讓我在短短的幾小時內能夠盡情放空
心甘情願讓情感被操縱


打上the end. 開了燈，
怎麼又是一場戰爭?


我喜歡和自己談戀愛 - 卻更討厭與自己分手。



個性讓我總是徘徊在主動與被動之間。

empty street

我們何嘗不是都在等待那特別的人?

don't know if the changes were for good.

汲汲營營

不管踩在哪一邊，我卻是不滿足。

想必是還沒想通自己要的。

到底怎麼該得到幸福?

--

有個男朋友，但我卻覺得不能再更孤單。

settle for what

一直以來追求到現在的...

是時後該認命?

就這樣嘛? 該屬於我的就這樣而已了嘛?





不是每一個人都像carrie一樣有happy ending.

lovely

我猜我最近過的很幸福，
畢竟沒有人會過度的放大睡不飽這種負面情緒而寫在blog上。

soon, after vacation

重新開始，
不知是與世界接軌，還是脫軌。

Right now, Right here

I just need to know I've got you with me.
Even if there is only one of you.

望著 - 忘著

不是滋味 - 卻也掀不起漣漪

這大概就是對你的註解


有時候很難相信很多事就這樣過去了 - 再也不會回頭也沒有第二次機會
不是什麼事都可能的嘛? 我真的這麼以為過

did i let u all down?

only i thought i was mature..enough.

左邊的我總是知道要向著前方 - 害怕著追趕不上的夢想
右邊的我不斷拉扯身旁的人事 - 害怕著不再停留的思念

人

想要的不多, 卻從來不滿足

是什麼時候該停止夢想?

that day when we said goodbye

Dunno if that I just miss you guys too much or I just can't let go the old good times. I know all the feeling probably was mainly from being insecured about my job status right now...


but still, 揮手再見的我，轉身還是想掉眼淚。

If that's mine, give it to me NOW!

excuses

不該再為我的躊躇不前找藉口。

It's my life after all...like anyone else cares.

Sometimes I wonder why everyone in this world have the courage to keep living, or I guess we just don't have courage to kill ourselves yet.

蠢蠢欲動

you were right, 隱藏的不安原素正是我自己。

so far so good?

Will you make me look at you? Only you?




Maybe then I'll have the faith to change the world. My world.

NOT A VICTIM!!!

"I am going to show you how an adult relationship is like."





Is it that I just assume people will and should trust in me because how much I believe in myself? Yet I do not trust others in the same way I want them to trust me?

You were right.

I think I was the one who take things for granted.



I guess I just need to stop acting like a victim from the illusional world created by my overthinking and hope that someone will not break my heart again.
Please just..not again.

A Season of Celebration

Looking at the post card sent from nyu stern with washington square garden covered in snow printed on the back, I could almost feel the goosebumps on my arm because of the crisp cold air that almost ache. People wrapped in heavy wool or dawn jacket only looked down their feet, dodging the melting snow puddle. Everything was covered in white, only the traffic light shone the green arrow directing the few cars that still tried to make their way in the snow. I... just miss all my friends all over the world, for good or bad we've been through.

For a holiday season that is not so holiday-ish in a place like Taiwan, I still want to give all my dearest friends my best wishes no matter where you are.

Cheers to all my dearest friends.

她

一直以來我以為是害怕自己忘了紐約，但也許其實是害怕紐約遺棄了我。



對只能緬懷過去美好時光的這件事，至今我仍是無法釋懷。

trapped

太多的玩樂放空鬆懈終於緊緊的回來的抓住了我。


I am paranoid and panic again, as expected.

love's in the air

Am I too selfish to want it all?

Quote

"有些情況要等很久以後才能瞭解，那時候往往已經太遲了。很多情況，我們在無法認清自己心意之前就必須選擇行動了，這使得大家很迷惑。" -- 世界末日與冷酷異境 by 村上春樹

my happy sunday night

聽著你傳來開心的歌...I wonder why I was so negative before.

其實我很好的嘛! psh.

其實，真是再好不過了。

gemini

我想很多時候我吵吵鬧鬧的只是在找尋事情的原因。
對於結果如何，我倒是一直都頗能坦然接受。

Really?

4am.

Perhaps it's the disturbing noise trucks driving outside rehearsed at late night or the air I inhaled in in early winter morning while looking out for the hope to witness the sunrise; surprisingly, I am so calm yet so hung up on your words that I am still unable to close my eyes and call it a night - 'your exes were all losers. Fuck.'

Sitting here, I burst out laughing, this is just not the first time I have heard those words. Man. I think I really fucked things up.
25. With two of the boxes for "must-have-in-life" still unchcked on the top of the list. Now, I feel officially pathetic.

Put on the repeat mode. The song keeps spinning. You said you will mark this as my song. Judy's song.
How sweet the song humming; how bitter my heart sinking.

Maybe I just need to cry out loud. Maybe everything will turn out just right. Maybe it's all just part of the process. Maybe, and maybe, and maybe.

Maybe everything will be fine tomorrow, and someone will love me like described in the song.
Maybe.






Really?


By Your Side - Sade

You think I'd leave your side baby?
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave down when your down on your knees?
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when your wrong
I-----ohhh, ohhh

If only you could see into me

oh, when your cold
I'll be there to hold you tight to me
When your on the outside baby and you can't get in
I will show you, your so much better than you know
When your lost, when your alone and you can't get back again
I will find you darling I'll bring you home

If you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
and in no time you'll be fine

You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I'd leave you down when your down on your kness
I wouldn't do that

I'll do you right when your wrong
I-----I, ohhhh, ohhh

If only you could see into me

Oh when your cold
I'll be there To hold you tight to me
Oh when your alone
I'l be there by your side baby

take it easy

這並不是什麼大不了的事 - 我這樣告訴自己。

gameplan

You think being honest to each other is what you want, but when I finally turn my heart to your hand ane left nothing beehind, you think I've just killed the fun.

Don't know how many times I can kneel in front of you - naked with my heart in my palm still dripping the blood.



Just then I realized I just scared you again.


Mommy, how come no one ever taught me to follow the human nature instead of believing in myself?

How greedy I am to wish to have learnt all the things without tripping? But I am just so sad.

God, will you forgive my sin?

stay focused! wtf.

so in the end, we just paint a happily-ever-after picture together and told ourselves that we'll be fine.

everything will be fine.





..the fairy tale that I've already laughed at since I was 16. How funny it's the first time I ever so want to believe in it again.

大人

不再輕易的承諾，是我們以為成熟的作法。

是從什麼時候開始少了點熱情，少了點願意豁出一切的相信，少了點衝動?

不能承諾什麼…只是自己欺騙自己的謊言罷了。
以為畫下了規定就不會受傷。


從什麼時候我們的心已是傷痕累累?

trapped

get out.

Cuddly

i like this word very much.



It reminds me of the freezing AC, the sunshine leaking through the blinds, and the warmth of your hand.

shadow of mind

往夏威夷的飛機，把我載進時光隧道回到以前一同歡樂一同流淚的日子。
一切如此自然，畢業後的日子只是模糊的在腦後，以一種本來就該是這樣的型態存在著。在台灣的生活。

看著挽著妳的手走進較堂的媽媽淚眼盈匡，我不解的注視著卻無法消化在眼前發生的一切。妳，不是還是那個對著我大叫手臂粗 – 在早上有7點半的課時我塞給我口香糖把我從被窩裡往外拉的____? 我不知道應該是什麼。到底我們有擁過了什麼?

我看著她擁抱T, 把妳的手往他的手上放。我的淚只能不停的掉。到底生命中 ，我錯過了些什麼?

自私的，我想留住我以為我擁有的一切世界。你們開心的、難過的、 勉強的、無法抗拒向四面八方向前走去。另一個人的懷抱。

該為妳們喝采，只是留不住的心情讓我徬徨的手足無措。


一切的一切，回到台灣後。陽光閃亮亮刺眼的那一天，卻只剩畫面。
現實著，我手中抓不住的一切。



穿上從故事裡就一直穿著的白步鞋，我只能繼續往前。

我什麼都知道

台北沒有秘密

四不像

Sometimes I don't know what I have become.
I only know that I am still me.


It's only part of the processes.

a step forward

Glad I learnt to respect everyone and let go my pride right now, not when I am 40.

delete

你走開你走開你走開 -
別擋著我的路。


強迫輸入，只能怪我給自己找了麻煩
甩不掉你的麻煩。

Two Years

away from my so called home.


you asked me if i would be happier if i stay?
Actually, i doubt.

I am just too afraid I'll even forget the air I inhale in right off from the plane- the crisp, cold yet alived air that says to me "Welcome back to New York." Then I take out the leather glove from the back of my luggage and try to get a cab.

"talk to her"

I watched the movie again, and I just can't stop crying.

'Talk to her' wasn't a term so unfamiliar at all, if you remembered.

I believe you watched the movie before, but I don't understand how a sensitive person like you - don't get what the fuck is going on between people in this world.

Don't, use that term. You, did not talk to me.



I , stupid as Benigno, thought you could hear what I talked to you while you were asleep.

照顧我

已經厭倦需要一直獨立。






如果可以選擇的話，

沒什麼

從此以來就只有負面的情續，
所以我決定丟掉你。


丟掉你丟掉你丟掉你 -
嘿! 美好的人生。

Something About Us

This is the second time I am using the same title, no need to say no more.

只要曾經有過什麼就好了...是吧?

重覆聽著，我試著洗刷著那一年夏天的回憶。
反正倒頭來時間久了就什麼都不是了，連味道都沒有。


現實著。

That's love.

Funny how I couldn't think of answer to the question you asked-
"So, what has he done to impress you or make you happy?"


Oh - how pathetic yet romantic is that. That's love.


"I don't know if I have anything left to give you." from the 'break up' i watched on Sunday afternoon. When will be my turn to ever feel that way and say that to someone?

Soon, soon.

A better tomorrow...and a better tomorrow. Hope that implies me, not you anymore.

過客

來來去去，終究還是無法抓住什麼。

我希望你沒有留下什麼。

running out of time

my dream stops there; but it's a start.

我只想去流浪

帶著幾件換洗的衣物，把行李與notebook放到車上。也許是哪一天的傍晚，我開著車，聽著整理好的音樂，準備上路。夜路，不趕。抵達了南部的朋友家，或民宿，我不知道。快速的洗了個澡，我疲備的身體很快與床融為一體。

第二天睡到自然，也許只是接近中午的時候，我梳洗完畢開車到街上的麵包店買了鮭魚沙拉加麵包，也許加上一瓶果汁或牛奶。帶著太陽眼鏡坐在哪裡的樹蔭下或陽台，看著外面寬闊的路，悠閒往來的行人，享受我的第一餐。

午後，也許我會帶上一本書，到附近的咖啡店上坐上一下午， 享受著音樂與我的green tea latte，可以舒服的看著為了這次旅行購入的summer reading小說。也許天氣太熱時，我也會選擇把冷氣開到最強，聽著大聲放的歌，喝冰涼的啤酒，慢慢著研究著我一直想學的reason，試著寫下情續的旋律。但我總覺得我一定會到中途就放棄著，所以也許購入一個小的keyboard才是正確的選擇。也許我會到附近的supermarket，慢慢的逛著選購剛才上網查到的食譜，盤算著今晚需要多少時間才能做出的晚餐，也許也會選購一瓶適合的紅酒搭配上。
傍晚，我會開著車，到能看見海的地方，躺在沙攤旁的石塊或水泥地上，聽著ipod，看著夕陽西下，直到夜幕升起。只是看著。

晚餐之後，在舒服的洗完頭泡完澡後，邊擦著頭髮，我想選一部早在工作時就想到但卻苦無時間享受的DVD配上冰箱裡的紅酒或啤酒，會是睡前很好的選擇。

my faith

'My hands are of your colour; but I shame to wear a heart so white.'

if being happy is what matters

在過完25歲生日以後，忙錄的生活讓時間飛逝，但我卻被遺忘的停留住了。勾不上邊，抓不住手。



試著回想這段時間發生的事，卻是交叉重疊的時空被壓縮，跳針似的不停的閃過那兩三格定格畫面。



白白白白abab白白ab白白白a白b白白....

最近我很容易哭

i don't understand how i have so much anger and hatred inside - i hate this kind of me. 雖然我也更容易感動。

我想要不平凡的人生平凡的幸福

I am just afraid that I am not good enough.

survival

it's a war.

your album my photo

For those long lost memories, sometimes it's not that we still care.

It's that we do not dare to touch it ever again.